"I think the whole world's goin insane. I fill my mind up with liquor, and drink away the pain"
-mobb deep
it's true. I could feel it. most people do feel sorry for me. it's probably due to my somber facial expression. my close friends and family know that I just cannot smile on cue. if I try to smile on cue it looks very unnatural and retarded. whenever someone wants me to pose for a picture I get nervous since I know they'll want me to smile. most people I meet have absolutely no problem smiling for the camera and I envy them. as matter of fact I'm very envious of people who live a very functional life:
-people that study hard when they're at a age when their brain is able to absorb lots of information. I'm guessing the ages between 14-21... which pretty means that they'll be graduating w/ a degree by the age of 22.
-people who get into a relationship w/ opposite gender so they could get married when they still have their young healthy looks. I'm guessing ages between 18-25.
-people who start their career by the age of 23 so that they could save up enough money for a diamond and be able to put down 20% down payment on a house by the age 30.
-people who're financially stable in their 30s so that they could pay for all their childrens' needs and is still able to be the cool hip parent who take their sons to sporting events and daughters to cirque du soleil.
-people who could afford to drive mercedes benz and be respected at their local church as an elder in their 50's.
isn't this what is considered a successful life? of course the correct answer is to live your life Christ-based and to worship God through everything you do. but I'm not interested in correct answers. you ever see a guy who looks very low life-like attend a korean church? I have. just imagine a white guy in his 40s, face looking like Jesus in most paintings, yellow t-shirt, jean shorts, and he starts a conversation with you. how would you react? I would suspect that this guy's insane in the membrane. I would give him very short answer and leave asap. let's say he goes to your EM service... would he be welcomed? would anyone give a rats ass about this guy? wouldn't it be obvious that this guy's a loser? homeless? crazy? have nothing to offer? drunk? likely to pass out in the church parking lot? keeps talking about how beautiful oriental women are? wouldn't this guy keep annoying your praise leader about using him as a congo drummer?
I'm pretty sure most people will be thinking what I'm thinking: get this white trash motherfucker outta my face!
that's right. don't let no bum ruin your romantic christmas this holiday with your loved ones. don't give them cash cause they'll buy drugs. plus... unlike church offerings it's not tax deductible.
every year I learn more and more about the value of money. money is very powerful and important. I've finally realized that you cannot live without money. even if you have a dream or goals... you won't be able to achieve it without money UNLESS you're willing to make a big sarifice. I mean a humongous sacrifice:
-eating ramen daily or at least not spending more than $4 for full days' meals.
-sleeping no more than 4 1/2 hrs a day. classes/ studying/ internship /full-time job won't let you sleep much.
-no more hanging out with your buddies on weekends. need weekend job to pay the bills.
-absolutely no girlfriend. for obvious reasons.
-no smoking. waste of money.
-no drinking. makes you lazy.
if you could follow these rules for at least 5 yrs you'll have what it takes to be successful. as for me, I'm not disciplined enough to do all that. I won't last a month without braking at least one of my own rules. or maybe I don't even love, whatever my passion is, all that much.
the point is... unless you're willing to make a big sacrifice forget about your dreams/ goals cause most likely it won't pay your bills... how're you gonna live with a roof over your head if you're not gonna make money? so if you're a average joe like myself: get yourself a job that'll pay the bills. average man cannot achieve greatness. average man don't pay the bills on time, will make no more than $40,000 in their 30s, will waste your hard earned money on cigarettes/alcohol/girlfriends, spend more than what we could afford, etc...
however I think there're pros on being an average guy such as: no need to take great risks, have girlfriends, have fun with friends on weekends, pig out whenever you want, sleep 8 hrs daily, etc...
if you don't like the fact that you're just average.. just drink that beer and forget about it. merry christmas.
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